Who’s Who – the characters

Written By: The Manager


Helen Bailey: protagonist and original down-trodden Assistant. Has the misfortune of working for the two notorious bullies in the firm: the Boss and Miranda. Her only relief is through the exploits of her friends – Jane, Liz and Alex.

Jane Black: Helen’s best friend and fellow Assistant.  Takes no prisoners.  Always at the forefront of subversive action and has dreams of world domination.

Alex Spicer: Helen’s best male friend and fellow Assistant. Frustrated performer and only openly gay member of staff in the team.

Liz Kennedy: another of Helen’s friend and fellow Assistant. More rational than Jane or Alex but obsessed with dieting.  Recently (and controversially) got engaged to Dan.

Tarquin Winkworth: fellow Assistant and deadly rival.  Toadying sycophant with eyes on partnership.

Hamish:  Tarquin’s trainee and mini-me.

Dan Turner: Corporate team exile, ex-barrister and office lady-killer.

Simon Short: Corporate team exile and wannabe Alan Sugar.



The Boss: senior litigation partner. Rules by old fashioned fear and intimidation.

Miranda Myers: only female litigation partner. Will do anything to get to the top.

Malcolm Morris: longest serving salaried partner. Does not understand modern litigation practices.

Clive Coleman: relatively new to the partnership.  Has the most common sense of all of them but keeps his head down.

Barry Wiliams: salaried partner and former joint Boss of Melinda.  Presently on secondment in Singapore.

Philip Carlton: new Corporate partner and veteran harrasser of female  members of staff.


Melinda Peach: Helen’s PA.  The worst legal secretary in the City.

Danielle Wellard: Jane’s secretary and unofficial leader of The Typing Union.

Lynnette Biggins: deputy leader of The Typing Union.

Gemma Goodman: the department’s only reliable secretary.


Jeanette Harris: office manager with a penchant for revealing outfits and shirking  her responsbilitles.

Roger Fortesque-Smythe QC: creepy barrister and school friend of The Boss.  Expert in the art self promotion.

Derek Jones: security guard and frustrated comedian.

Caroline Hardwick – personnel manager, partnership guardian, dripping with pearls and smug vitriol.

Veronica  Proudlove: deputy personnel manager – the office equivalent of a well meaning but impotent social worker.

Creepy Dave: IT geek and porn afficianado.

Hamish Pike: trainee and miniature version of Tarquin.

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